my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
