i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
