So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Randomize
