What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
