The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
