Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize