Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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