That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
