Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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