i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
