I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I wish there were birth control emojis
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
