I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
