May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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