she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize