Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
