i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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