so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
