You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
