How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
