Yo dont text me then not text me
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
my liver is dry heaving
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
