I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
this hospital has no fireball
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
