I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
