Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
