She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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