I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize