Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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