I need help removing her.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
