GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
