you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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