I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
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