clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
