Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
