...so i touched it.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
My vagina is very pro this idea
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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