You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
