Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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