i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
