So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
