Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
