haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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