he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
