saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
