Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
