CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
This toilet bowl is my home.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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