I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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