He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
