"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
