it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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