my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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