I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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