May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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