Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
