I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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