when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
