Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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