is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
