Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
