Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
