Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
