I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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