so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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