he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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