dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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