The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
