I need to stop coming to work sober
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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