found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
