I didn't shave. On purpose
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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