How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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