so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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