I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
