Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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