Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
