I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
