Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
