I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
