She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize