Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
