he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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