nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
