Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
