My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
