If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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