he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
