What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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