Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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