I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
