i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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