This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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