i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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