I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
