Got a toothbrush?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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