the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
