I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
