Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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