She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
