Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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