Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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