I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
