it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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