After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize