I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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