Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
