Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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