i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize