Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
